4 years later....

I'm still here!! All is well and life is back to "normal", whatever that is!

Some days I even forget that all this happened, which is nice

Feeling lucky today...

Remission.....

This blog has been going on for almost 1 year, almost 9000 views and I think I can finally say....... I KICKED CANCER ASS!!! There of course are always some variables, and nothing is set in stone, but currently, there are no active cancer cells in my body. Due to the nature of my cancer, this one is definitely one that has a tendency to relapse... so I will continue with a fairly regular regime of followup appointments for the next three years and will have to be vigilant about signs and symptoms (hypochondriac world, here I come...) but balancing that with having a regular sore throat or cough...

Cancer certainly did do a number on kicking my ass though.... It will take a while to regain my energy, feel good, recharge my soul and increase my immunity. It sure puts a few things in priority....

I'm not sure about when to stop this blogging business, as I'm not one for writing a diary, but this process has been a therapeutic one for me. So, my postings may be sporadic.... and fingers crossed that I won't be keeping you up to date on any other news on a regular basis

So to all of you who have been checking in periodically, thank you....

and if this blog ever helps someone down the road understand they are not alone in the evil cancer world, then I hope my experiences help out in some shape or form

F #$%& You Cancer!

Hair obsessed...

So I had my hair cut a little last week to get rid of the q-tip/perm afro I was sporting.... It is a tiny bit better... but still a long way from what I would say is okay....

I much prefer the look below.... now that is an excellent wig and I aspire to have that hair - perhaps a little blonde for me, but long and luscious - thats tequila Barbie beside me (I would love to have her hair too!)

What to say?

I realize its been a few weeks since the last post, but sometimes I'm not sure what to say when there is some uncertainty and I have to do some processing myself - Jenny and I went to the oncologist appointment last month, where there were highs...lows...peaks and valleys - It was a little like a roller coaster ride, and we left still feeling unclear - It appears that the largest mass that was in my chest (mediastinum) has decreased exponentially, however there is still a pingpong ball remaining.... apparently the million dollar question of whether it is scar tissue....or cancer.... ??

So I requested a PET scan(Positron Emission Tomography), which apparently I qualify for because the mass is bigger than 2cm. PET scans provide information on metabolic activity in the body and can be helpful in establishing whether or not there is active cancer in your body. There is of course pros and cons to this type of scan (as it can produce "false positives" and open a can of worms) So that being said, we decided to pursue the PET scan.

I just returned from Sunnybrook after having this radioactive procedure done (The nurse injects you with a radioactive glucose tracer that runs through your body) It will take some time for "them" (I don't know who "they" are)to interpret the scan - and I won't be meeting my Oncologist until mid April - I am not expecting to have definative results, but it should provide some more pieces to the puzzle

The picture is apparently what a PET scan looks like - I asked to see my own yesterday, but to no avail....

I will keep you posted :)

Mid Winter Report....

Thank god January is over, that means one step closer to longer days and some sunshine (It seems there hasn’t been a lot of sun over the last month). Don’t get me wrong, I do love the winter, but appreciate the change of seasons even more.

I’ve had an oncologist appointment in January and most recently a CT scan this week – I’m to meet with the doctor again tomorrow and review – The anxiety that accompanies this appointment is like no other – I have fabricated all kinds of scenarios in my mind.

I don’t think I was a “high maintenance” girl before, but I certainly feel like one now – I am obsessed with my ridiculous hair, have acquired an overabundance of hats (my kca being one of my fav’s), have had eyelash extensions, wear more makeup than I ever have (that may come naturally along with the age thing too though) Energy levels are coming back, some days are definitely better than others – but it does take work to build any endurance.

This new cancer club that I have joined reluctantly has had its pros and cons; You know the cons, I'll try and focus on some of the pros....
Once you are in, it is very difficult to get out.
The members are really supportive
"Seize the Day" and "Live for the moment" take on a whole new meaning
You look at your friends and family in a whole new light; They are truly amazing
And finally, I've fallen in love with my husband all over again - I'm not sure how I could have got through this without him...he's awesome

A heartfelt thanks to my very special godmother – (she of course has provided me with guidance in my very strong religious upbringing..haha) She has been very supportive throughout my cancer adventure – she most recently sent me a parcel of 14 pashminas and wine to share with the girls who helped put our house back together so we could move back home – She was so moved by their actions – another amazing person that is in my AMAZING support network – I am one lucky girl to have this and I thank my lucky stars everyday

A new year!!

Here goes 2011.... We were very glad to say goodbye to 2010... and thought it might be nice to have a change of scenery for a few days, so we were fortunate enough to head to Halifax for a few days and try to start the year a little differently. We spent a lovely extra long weekend with our dear friends the Moffatts; ate a little lobster, a little hiking, laughing and watching the entire first season of Modern Family. We went to Peggy's Cove on New Years Day.....I think its one of the most beautiful places in Canada, and was quite tickled that we spent the first day of the new year there...

I have had many requests to see the hair re-growth - As it is coming in (very, very slowly) I am a little more comfortable showing my head - so here you go - its not pretty, so skip over if you don't want to look...

I have an oncologist appt next week, which in turn will start another onslaught of tests and scans - It has been a nice break over the last month from the chaos of cancer.

And finally I want to share one of the most special gestures that a friend did over the holidays - Sherri R had some hats made that signify strength and courage and KICKING CANCER ASS - She gave Riley, Colin and I each a hat and several of my friends also have them - (Colin's does not have a flower) It is so touching and the hats are awesome (as I am so sick of my current collection) Thank you Sherri!!

Best wishes to all in 2011.... Cheers, Kelly xo

Happy, Merry and all that

Christmas Holidays are just about here and the excitment is mounting - I have not been on top of getting out Christmas cards (not that I did consistently before), so thought perhaps this is a good forum to anyone who reads this...

Wishing all a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year....

2011 is going to be VERY different!!

Cheers, Kellyxo

Winter is here...

Its been a while since I have posted... I'm not really sure where to start. I have completed all of the radiation treatment which in comparison to chemo, was far easier to get through for me - I have been home now for a week and half, and don't have any appointments until mid-January. It's a bit of a weird feeling, as I have been entrenched in cancer world... and now I'm kind of on my own to start the recovery process.

My hair is starting to grow back, but it will be a while before I will feel comfortable just wearing my own head - especially because of the salt and pepper color! I have a few wigs now, so it makes it a little more interesting

I still have lots of wacky side effects from chemo, that I gather take a while to subside - I had my port out last week (which I will not go into the gory details, but it was not what I expected)It is nice to get that foreign piece of plastic out of my body, even though I would recommend it to anyone.

It is wonderful to be home and we really are enjoying the new space - It is a different house as you can see...

I had the good fortune of spending the weekend with my dear friend Andrea, who came from England for some business and pleasure - and we certainly had some fun... My friends Mary and Heather hosted a little party to celebrate the end of treatment... this celebrating is going to be hard to keep up at this pace!

There is a few feet of snow in Thornbury right now... its a little insane

Christmas is coming up quickly, so it will be nice to have all of this behind us... and I do believe that 2011 is going to be a much better year for us... I can't wait!

I am so fortunate....

Where do I start? There has been a fair amount of activity going on in my little bubble of a world the last few weeks and a few that might be noteworthy

First - Radiation report - I have completed just over 1/2 of my 18 treatments - It is a surreal experience as a giant machine has 4-6 people operating it, set you in a certain position and run out of the room while it makes space ship noises for 1 minute (I believe my treatments are quite short in comparison to others) I dont feel anything, but have a few side effects that may get worse but are quite manageable so far -

Second; I have been living in the city for the last few weeks with my good friend Jeremy who has been so accomodating to let me stay with him - He lives so close to the hospital and it is in my old stomping grounds, so very comfortable to be there - We have had some fun, and I won't post any pictures of the hillarious wig wearing nite with the boys - Thank you Jeremy!

Third - This past week was a short one for radiation treatment as Remembrance Day is a holiday, so I came home on Wednesday - I was completely taken aback, as 13 friends of mine had been to my house the night before and put it back together - They moved furniture, unpacked the kitchen, cleaned and just made our home start to be back to normal - They worked their asses off - I was completely blown away - I can't thank them enough as I am still in awe! Thank you to Marci for organizing and all of you for helping! (Jenny, Sherri, Rachel, Maria, Martha, Caroline, Lori, Krystin, Melissa, Leanne, Sue and Keri)

So I guess my theme this post is that I am so lucky to have the support that I have had over the last 6 months. I get goosebumps just thinking about it. My parents have been so awesome having us live with them for over 2 months and we can't thank them enough.... but it is so great to be HOME!!

Here are a couple of pics taken with my cell phone that aren't that great, but will give you an idea of the kitchen

Here we go again....

What a whirlwind it has been...

A wonderful "Celebration of Life" to send Izzy off in style - I can't imagine she would have had it any other way - Lots of cousins made the trek from Calgary, lots of friends and family, beautiful speeches and a great slide show. Many thanks to all who made that day a great success - I know Isobel is smiling thinking about that wonderful afternoon...

I have had some scan results that I have been hesitant to post as they aren't perfect (I wanted the oncologist to say there was absolutely no more evident cancer cells) However, there seems to be some activity still in my chest - It was disappointing, however the doctor seems to be pleased with how I have responded to the chemo -

So next steps, I'm off to Toronto tomorrow for 18 radiation treatments. These are just weekdays, and I am fortunate to have friends that live close to the hospital and have opened up their homes to let me stay - (Thanks Pye-pye for your open invite!) Again, I hope this treatment pales in comparison to Chemo, but I am still anxious.

My hair continues to fall out - its pissing me off, because I would like for it to start growing back - My eyebrows and eyelashes seems to be growing a bit - Losing your hair sucks more than you think - I'm trying to wear my wig more often now, because the hats aren't looking so great, but I feel like I'm wearing a helmet all the time

The renovation chugs along..... but there is almost a light at the end of the tunnel - We are still living with my parents (Whom have been amazing over the last SEVEN weeks!) With all that is going on, as well as our renovation, they have been so helpful and supportive - I'm sure they are ready to get their space back

I will update soon with my take on radiation and some reno pics...

The Life cycle

It has been a tough year for our family and I have to sadly say goodbye to Isobel, my mother in-law - a wonderful and kind woman that has been a part of my life for 30 years - She too has been trying to kick some cancer ass for the last year and half. She has been a superb grandmother to Riley and we will miss her dearly ....

Cheers Isobel

I haven't been posting anything for a while.... I think finishing chemo wasn't quite the celebration I hoping - It still takes a while for that nasty poison to get out of your body, so I still felt like crap for a few weeks and of course I had hoped that everything would go back to normal quickly...which it doesn't (I certainly would like a few eyebrows and eyelashes soon!)

I have had a number of scans (gallium and CT) over the last 2 weeks, and then next week will be another slew of doctor appointments in Barrie and Toronto... the anxiety continues....

I did read an article in the Globe and Mail yesterday (Facts and Arguemments) that a woman wrote about her situation - She and her husband were both diagnosed with cancer - with 5&7 year olds - Quite amazing how and where they have gathered strength and energy to push through -

http://http//www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and-arguments/my-husband-and-i-were-both-battling-cancer/article1744200/

After reading this and as Thanksgiving is coming, my/our situation sucks, but we have a whole lot to be thankful for....

I hope everyone has a great w/e and remember all the good stuff!!

Did you hear it?

Yesterday I got to ring the bell in the chemotherapy ward. This is a ritual that one does to signify the end of their chemotherapy. I've been eyeing that bell for some time now and it is a good way to end your time in that part of the hospital and hope that you never have to return - The nurses there are truely amazing - Their positive spirit and attitudes are like no others - and they too say they hope to never see you again. I did think I would feel more elated, but realizing that I still have quite a journey to continue with - I have more appointments in the next 3 weeks, than I have in months - But none the less, a giant hurdle to get through - I hope that the next few months pale in comparison to the last few.

Lots of scans, doctors, and radiation planning over the next month and then I assume I will be in Toronto for several weeks in November doing the actual radiation

A little poem to share

A dear friend (and a saucy one I might add) wrote a little poem that I must share so that all can appreciate....

A Thought for Kel

T-cell Lymphoma,

who the hell are you?

You popped in for a visit

Threw us for a loop

You arrived uninvited

We were not very pleased

Brought in quite a detour

To life's sweet breeze

I am taking fancy cocktails

That knock you off your socks,

But if you think you're winning,

You're in for a shock

There is a team that stands beside me,

My guy and my girl

They see me through my days

Move my heart with a whirl.

There's my extended family

And my awesome medical team

We're determined to get rid of you

Walk away strong and clean

My friends they keep me moving

feed my family love and food

pop in for a visit

pick me up, lift my mood.

So please speed up your exit

There are things I want to do

Fix my house, read a book

Live my life without you

A hell of a ride it has been

And a little more yet to come

I'll move on with my new outlook

For with my will, I will have won

Christina K

Wow... I loved that today... thank you my friend

First Day back.....

I'm a little reflective today - This being the first day back to school and my little girl (who really is not very little any more) isn't very interested in having me walk her to school - She asked me if I wanted my mom to walk me to school in Grade 6, or would I like if my mom brought me to work.... I suppose not. So now I'm looking at old pictures from her first days of school thinking that life is really just too short - I didn't walk her to school, but I sure wanted to...

Those of you who know Riley well, will remember that she was obsessesed with the color Red - She would only wear red, and paint everything red. Now her favorite color is lime green -

JK Sept 2003

Ahhh September

Looking forward to this month being over, although I know it has just begun. This month will be hopefully the end of chemotherapy, however a host of other interventions to follow that I hope to be a cake walk comparatively. I am just about through cycle 5 (tomorrow) with one more chemo treatment later this month - It hasn't been quite as brutal as the last one - but perhaps its all the excitement that is going on at our house - lots of progress on the renovation, and decisions to make and spending money like a drunken sailor - seems to be taking the focus off the cancer and on to more interesting things (pictures to follow if you are interested)

Met with my true oncologist this week (he has been on holidays each time I have been at the hospital this summer) and he was quite pleased with the results of the CT scan and making plans for radiation and lots of upcoming scans- but seemed very positive.

Thanks again to all for all the support -

Renovation moving along....

We have had some great progress this week... walls and window openings!! It sure helps me visualize the end product a little better.... but its time for Riley and I to go seek some solace in Georgian Bay and give these hardworking young men room for a messier workplace - Looking forward to our return on the w/e and perhaps a roof?

This is the 3 kitchen windows with a sliding glass door - We have gone from 4 sq ft window to 72 sq ft of glass

Start of 2nd Floor Teen Angst/Family room

good news...

The "Mid" CAT scan report came in - and it is a positive one - It appears that my largest mass in the middle of my chest has essentially disappeared and the smaller one on my neck has decreased by over half - and all the fluid issues I have had in my heart and lungs have gone - I asked my primary care nurse if I could stop treatment now, but apparently not - I still have a journey to complete, but at least there is a brighter light at the end of the road - So all this nasty, toxic medicine I am putting into my body is at least doing what it is supposed to be doing! So needless to say, I had a great day yesterday, enjoying the sunshine, swimming, lunching & went to a very fun summer party @ the McNicols - But now I have to get my very expensive needle that is supposed to increase my white blood count, but makes me feel like shit for a couple of days - But I guess its all working :)

Yuck!

Well, this has been quite a week - I have had it pretty easy in looking back on the past few months, so this was a bit of an eye opener - Just finished my 4th cycle of chemo and it was truly the most unpleasant yet.... but its over... so hopefully everyday will get a bit better. I had a CAT scan yesterday to see if all this nasty chemo is working - so results are pending - I won't get the official results for a few weeks, but may get a verbal report sooner.

A big thanks to my chemo buddies this week and Riley supporters - Cheryl, Marilyn, Marci and Mom!

Reno pictures to post this w/e -

Cheers! K:)

Summer 2010

There is very little to report these days, which is really not a bad thing and I have been quite lame in updating this blog - It is mid-summer, Riley has returned from camp (of course, the best year ever) She received her "5 year paddle" which I gather is quite an honor. Her group did a 4 day white water trip down the Mattawa river and I think that was a highlight. Riley and I have been keeping ourselves busy, and trying to help Colin out with the "one man renovation" here and there - but now its time to get some help in as the brick is ready to come down!!

This upcoming week is my "good week", so we will hopefully pack some fun in - I'm finding that I'm not bouncing back quite as quickly as before.

This is the time of summer that our family has usually taken some kind of road trip for a few weeks - typically ending up in PEI to visit the Moffatts - We are all going to miss this for 2010 - but next year might have to be something very special - Hmmmmmm - I'll attach a few pics from last summer...